In the Feb. 25 issue of The New Yorker, there was a brief about a newly-published book entitled “Not Quite What I Was Planning.” It’s a collection of very brief memoirs. Six words each, to be exact.

The project was originally started by SMITH online magazine as a contest in which readers were asked to tell their life story in six words. The magazine was inundated with entries to the point of nearly crashing its Web site. The editors culled the best and published it under a title submitted by a hairdresser from Minnesota.

Submissions came from the famous (Stephen Colbert: “Well, I Thought It Was Funny”) to the anonymous (a dominatrix: “Woman Seeks Men—High Pain Threshold”). There is the self-deprecating (a plumber submitted “Fix A Toilet, Get Paid Crap”) and the downright depressing (“After Harvard, Had Baby With Crackhead”).

So what does this have to do with golf? Nothing really, except I began thinking about how the six-word rule could apply to some of our favorite PGA Tour pros. My suggestions are below…I’d love to hear yours.

My own bio of brevity? “I Actually Get Paid For This.”

• Tiger Woods: Even Better Than You Imagined. Yikes.
• Phil Mickelson: At Least I Have My Family.
• Vijay Singh: Annika Is Still Better Than Me.
• Ernie Els: I Swear I Was Relevant Once.
• Sergio Garcia: Youth, Arrogance and Still No Majors.
• Greg Norman: Screw Augusta. I Got Chris Evert.
• Rory Sabbatini: Who Can I Piss Off Today?
• Ian Poulter: Trust Me, Chicks Dig the Look.
• Boo Weekly: Fetch Me That Skoal Over Yonder.
• John Daly: The Trailer Park’s Got My Back.